One truly awesome thing about living in El Paso, Texas, is the gumball machines: they dispense religious icons and monkeys. Barbara will be so envious.
K-Mart has some of the best gumball machines for icons. Granted, I do have three Jesuses, and he does look like he’s giving the finger, but he is wearing a crown and bears a remarkable resemblance to the actor Richard Chamberlain, so it’s all good and well worth the money.
The only thing I find troubling is that one of my gumball icons looks like Pontius Pilate. But hopefully he’s just Julius Caesar, or that actor who played Brutus in the HBO series Rome, because I don’t want any trouble. And I have no idea who that guy sitting down is. Where the hell is that guy in the bible?
If it’s monkeys you’re looking for, I like the gumball machine at my favorite Chinese food buffet. The monkeys in their machine are striking several different poses, and they’re not based on See No Evil etc., so they’re especially interesting. I have hopes of collecting them all, but if you’re familar with gumball machines you know it’s all in the luck of the draw.
UPDATE: Barbara (my definitive source on saints) thinks that isn’t Jesus at all, but is in fact St. Jude the Danny Thomas saint with a flame over his head. This would make more sense, as it is a gumball machine of Santos.
I totally agree with my sister. Definitely St Jude. I just don’t understand why his head is on fire. I like the monkeys too. I haven’t seen a gumball machine in a long time. I’m going to have to start noticing to see if they have them around here. Do you chew the gum? I just like the prises.
And who’s the saint standing behind the quarter — the one with the giant erection?
@ David – Oh sweet Jesus … it does look like a giant erection!
@ Joan – There is no gum! The machine is filled with just saints. You’d have to ask Barbara what that flame is. Does she realize the Julius Caesar saint has a really graphic erection? Maybe that will help her figure out who he is.
Oh My!! I didn’t notice Julius was so hot for someone. That’s so strange that you don’t get gum, just the saints. I know damn well if I lived there I’d be collecting them too. When Sarah moved in it took 5/ 30 foot dumpsters to get rid of most of my stuff so they could renovate the cellar. I’m a packrat.
Joan, we did that same thing, got a gigantic dumpster the size of a Mac truck and filled it a couple of times. We threw out TVs and furniture, and countless bags of odds and ends. Most of it was good, usable stuff, but who wantst to try and hold multiple yard sales to get rid of it? I had yard sale once in the mid-90s and it was such a bust. I worked my ass off for about $50. I vowed that I would never again hold a yard sale.
So THAT’S Julius Caesar with the Giant Flaming Hairy Nutsack?! Well that makes sense at least. Leave it to those fucking Latins! Who in HELL fills those gumball machines in El Paso? SATAN????
Are you sure the saints themselves are not gum? Please try chewing one Wendy.
They are not gum. Look at the close up of the Richard Chamberlain one … he is not gum.
OH MY GOD!!!! I can’t stop laughing at David’s comments. I’m crying and laughing at the same time. I’ll come back when I regain my composure.
Okay, I’m back. Sorry, I couldn’t breathe. Tom was laughing too. After reading David’s comments and looking at the figurines, it put it into a whole new perspective. The story in my head has something to do with St. Jude accepting a coin from Julius Caesar to help him with his um… affliction. The quarter is a nice touch too.
I want a monkey!!!!!! He’s so cute! You should drop one into the sea monkey tank. A couple of cement blocks on his little feet should keep him tethered.
Monkeys of the sea!
The guy sitting down reminds me of King Ferdinand who sent Chris Columbus on his travels?
@ MB – I liked your story about St. Jude and Caesar. It’s times like this when I wish I could make those little stop-motion videos.
@ Curious– Yes! I knew there was something about him that reminded me of Columbus. YOU, madam, get an A+ in history.