This fashion show of mine was the worst goddamned idea I’ve ever had in my life. I told Little Miss and Lucky that I would put on a fashion show of brooches for them because even though I’m working on a deadline and still recovering from this freaking oral surgery I had on Friday, the idea of posting a fashion show sounded like way more fun that anything else.
The first problem presented itself when Buck, who is on the same deadline, refused to couldn’t stop working to take hundreds of photos of me in various outfits. This meant I had to take photos of myself, which meant I needed to put the camera on a ladder. The ladder, being too heavy for me to move (I’m extremely weak), was in the garage. So I had to take my photos in the stupid garage which meant I would need to crop out the hideous garage background. I need to mention, also, that’s it’s about 95-degrees in my garage this afternoon. I didn’t think I’d be in there long, but I was wrong.
I started with my pink rhinestone lizard brooch on my denim jacket. Taking photos of yourself is VERY difficult. The first ten tries I didn’t even get the brooch in the photo. I finally got one with the brooch, but it was out of focus. Being the only photo that the brooch showed up in, I decided oh fuck it, I’ll use it anyway.
I ran back in the house and tried to Photoshop the garage out of the picture, but not being a Photoshop genius (and being pressed for time because of my deadline), I hit some bizarre option and this is what I ended up with:
Yeah, I know. I tried to hit “undo” but it wasn’t even highlighted so it did nothing. I then yelled FUUUUUUCK! and shoved myself away from my desk at top speed and let my roller-wheeled office chair carry me across the room. And that was the end to my fashion show. This is it, this single weird photo, a terrible idea executed poorly.
And now I get to return to the fascinating world of chain lube and V-twins.
Yeah, but not a bad idea because I now see how to wear a very cool pink lizard brooch on a denim shirt or jacket. And I have a denim jacket. I don’t have a cool pink lizard brooch though. I’ll have to dig through mine to see what I do have that is cool. You crack me up.
but a much more fun post to read!
Oh my GAWD Wendy, you are hi-larious. I must say, that pink lizard brooch is BAD ASS. I really like it. It looks FAB on that jacket.
Is it already that hot out there? Holy F.
BTW, I sent you a message on MySpace. To you…not lifewithbuck. 🙂
OK!! So you were RIGHT! That pink lizard looks really great on you and your faded denim hotness! I TOTALLY excuse the Photoshoplessness and have to go take a cold shower now … Bye! 😉
P.S. This is the kind of fashion show I can understand.
@ Little Miss – Yes, you should definitely dig out any brooches or pins you’ve got. I really like pins, the more ostentatious the better. They’re kind of odd and old-fashioned, and it seems like women don’t think to wear them anymore. Or maybe they’re afraid to. It’s kind of like saying, “Yeah, I do think I look good. Y’wanna fight about it? ‘Cuz I do want a fight, a big fight …” Plus, when you’re sick with a cold and stumbling around the house in an old bathrobe with a giant sparkly brooch on the lapel, people tend to feel especially sorry for you.
@ Curious C – Schadenfreude is totally more fun. It’s actually one of my favorite emotions. It is an emotion, right? I’ll have to ask David.
@ Lucky – Thank you, I’ve always thought that lizard was rather badass. 👿 The temp is in the 80s here during the day, but the garage had been closed up so the temp was higher in there.
@ David – Yes, I look totally hot. NOT. But while I have you here on the phone, is schadenfreude an emotion? I experience it several times a day (along with happy and disgusted) so I’m guessing yes.
“Chain Lube and The V-twins.”
Is that the title of your next porn novel?
@ Bound and Gags – Good call, but I’d probably change it up a little. Maybe “Lubing Up The V-twins”?
Well, as arousing as this commentary has become, what with all the lubing and the V-twins, let me just say that the Wikipedia article on Schadenfreude does a nice job illuminating this whatever-it-is thingy.
I wonder why you ask ME about it. Are you intimating something or is this an articulated self abuse?
No matter, I’ll speak to the Shadenfreude. It seems to be a complex of emotions. I remember it when as a boy I had news to deliver of someone else’s misfortune and became aware of a grin involuntarily creeping over my face. ‘What a little SHIT I am!’ I’d think to myself. Well now I’m a bigger shit and I understand that others’ misfortune is nothing more than MY GOOD LUCK. It’s quite ineffable, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s EFFABLE. Yeah, that’s it. EFFABLE.
And that’s all I can come up with. Other than menopause. 😀
I just posted a blog with a photo of my broaches which includes my girl scout pin. I was desperate because I only have one maybe two broaches. It was sort of a pathetic photo of broaches. You are truly broachalicious. I thought I was broachalicious but I couldn’t find any of the broaches I thought I had. Maybe I just dreamed them.
Thank you David for the language lesson! Wikipedia gives us one more fascinating word, indeed! I especially liked “The adjective version is schadenfroh, though often anglicized to schadenfreudy.”
schadenfreudy?!?! love it.
@ David: “Are you intimating something. . .”
Intimating? Heavens no! Stating? Hell yeah!
I love your interpretation of the Yang of misfortune to the Yin of your good luck. Makes sense. After all, for every acton (someone falling) there is an equal and opposite reaction (someone laughing).
I think your photoshopping is very Artsy.
Even recovering from oral surgery and standing in a sweltering garage you look wonderful! The brooch is kewl, and the post is hilarious.
Please look for my junior-high sex-ed documentary, entitled: Chained to Twins: The Story of V. The tagline is “Too Much Lube, Too Little Birth Control.”
@MBMcQ… ROFL. Gawd, I really dislike that acronym, but… gosh, I’m laughing hard.
Sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my own responses over here.
@ David – I asked you because I KNEW you’d have the answer. And I totally indentify with your realization that you were guilty of shadenfreude even as a kid. I often feel like Bud Cort in Harold and Maude, after he’s “set himself on fire” and sends his date running from the house. He ever so slowly turns to look into the camera and his mouth twists into this disturbing little smile. That’s how I feel whenever I hear anything schadenfreudy.
@ Joan – Thank you for posting your brooches because I was supposed to start a brooch meme and I just haven’t had time. I’m coming right ovah. 🙂
@ betme – Thank you!
@ MBMQ and Curious C – I’m with you on that, I’m laughing too.