My sons left today. I hate when that happens.
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I’ll bet the house seems really quiet today. Do you cry when they leave, or are you stoic?
I’m pretty stoic about it, because I really like to smile and laugh and send them off feeling good about themselves and looking forward to the future. My mother always made me feel just terrible about leaving her and it was a guilt that weighed heavy on me. I don’t want them to feel that guilt and anxiety, so I smile and talk about the wonderful stuff they’re going back to. Inside, however, I am nauseated and usually spend the rest of the day on the couch with a cold cloth on my head.
Buck, on the other hand, sobs uncontrollably starting on the way to the airport and then continues throughout the day. Actually, he’s still not right even today.
When Damon came home for Christmas I hadn’t seen him in three months and even with all the hell he has put me through, I was so happy to see him. He only stayed 4 days and like you I smiled and waved when he left then went in my room and quietly cried even though I know it is best for him not to live in this town. He is doing much better where he is. Even though we have been through hell and back together, he’s still my baby and I love him dearly.
It’s so tough. Even knowing that this is the order of things, that life needs to go on for them and it’s not right to keep them, it doesn’t hurt any less. I do admire that thing about dogs, how one day they wake up and don’t recognize their puppies as their own. They see their grown puppies as just another dog, and then they can continue on with their own life and can’t remember even having them. I sometimes wish that we as people had that ability.
I’m happy for Damon that he’s doing well. And I’m happy he’s in Buffalo and not Iraq. I have a friend who’s 20-year-old is in Iraq, I’ve known him since he was 4-years-old, and I can hardly bear to think of it.